Brand New Air Mattress
©2015 Tom Arnold / Deadbeat Music

The day she up and threw you out
You kind of lost your head
You hacked up all the furniture
With a Saws All as you left

And now she’s sleeping on the floor
It’s hard to make amends
You’ve really got no place to go
Thank God for lonely friends

I’ve got a brand new air mattress
You can lay on the kitchen floor
Right next to my Hotpoint reefer
Filled with a case of Coors

You can snuggle up to the table leg
And down that case of brew
Lay back on that mattress
And blame her while you stew

Well old chum, I’ve been there once
I know just what it’s like
So here’s to us, let’s drink on up
We’ll share the pain and strife

I know my head is screwed on tight
I’ll plumb my fertile mind
On love and loss and quick divorce
Then we can pass out blind

Chorus

We’ve pondered life’s eternals
And seen just where its led
How two such handsome, charming guys
Could cash in all their chips
And feel like lonely losers
It’s time we got a grip

Here’s a couple comfy blankets
It’s time to say goodnight
Don’t succumb to bouts of swearing
Remember I sleep light

Please don’t use the telephone
You know she’ll leave you scars
I’ve done enough consoling now
And you can thank your lucky stars